What would happen?
by jessatilliamfan
Summary: I struggle with myself again/Quickly the walls are crumbling/Don't know if I can turn away…song fic to Meredith Brooks song. Will/Tessa, Jem/Tessa. One shot. More Will/Tessa than Jem/Tessa. Rated M because I am paranoid.


Title: What would happen?

Pairing: Will/Tessa, Jem/Tessa

Summary: I struggle with myself again/Quickly the walls are crumbling/Don't know if I can turn away…song fic to Meredith Brooks song. Will/Tessa, Jem/Tessa. One shot. More Will/Tessa than Jem/Tessa.

AN: I just finished reading the series (I mean just finished, I finished Clockwork prince yesterday). And maybe I am the only one but I can't decide which pairing I support Will/Tessa or Jem/Tessa. I love them both. This song fic is supposed to say how confused I am. The words in italics are the lyrics to What would happen by Meredith Brooks.

* * *

_Electricity, eye to eye_  
_Hey don't I know you_  
_I can't speak_  
_Stripped my senses_  
_On the spot_  
_I've never been defenseless_  
_I can't even make sense of this_  
_You speak and I don't hear a word_

Tessa looked down at her husband and sighed deeply. Jem was finally asleep after hours of fevers and delusions. Tessa had stayed by his side dutifully which is something should would have done whether she was his wife or not.

Jem had assured her he was better before they married but in the weeks since they had returned from their honeymoon his health was declining. Jem pretended it was business as usual but Tessa knew her husband was fading fast.

Tessa had finished the book she was reading and needed something else if she was going to stay up and watch Jem sleep. She crept to the door and opened it. She was tiptoeing out. She wasn't looking where she was going and bumped into something solid and hard. Tessa let out a gasp when a pair of hands reached out and steadied her.

"Excuse me, Miss. Gray" Will Herondale mumbled. "I mean, Mrs. Carstairs." He corrected himself.

"Tessa will be fine, William," Tessa replied. She didn't want to look at him but her eyes were drawn to his solid torso. Then up to his beautiful face…his high cheekbones…his full lips…his electric blue eyes….full lips…full lips…

Will's hands were still on her shoulders. Tessa wanted to pull herself from his grasp but she couldn't. Every time Will touched her it was electricity was shooting through her seemed to be trembling slightly or was she trembling or was it both of them?

"Tess..." Will breathed. Somehow he moved closer to her. His head was bent and they were cheek to cheek now. Tessa could feel his warm breath on her skin. It was intense and frightening and wonderful and terrible and a whole host of other words Tessa couldn't think of at the moment.

She wanted to pull away but she couldn't. This is the first time in weeks she had been alone with Will. She made sure they were never alone. Will turned his head and Tessa could feel his lips lightly touching hers. They weren't kissing but if wither of them moved even a fraction they would be kissing.

Tessa inhaled sharply and moved back. "Will?" she pleaded? She needed him to stop this. She wasn't free. She couldn't do this. He couldn't do this?

Will closed his eyes and took a large step backwards, "Is he awake?" Will asked his voice barely above a whisper.

Tessa shook her head, "No," she said almost inaudibly. She cleared her throat and spoke a little louder, "He has had a rough afternoon and he just fell asleep."

Will nodded, "Do you…do you know if he has any left?" he asked.

Tessa knew immediately he was talking about the Yin fen that her husband was addicted to. The Warlock powder that was keeping him alive and able to fight but was also killing him. "He has some but I don't think he has much left. He doesn't tell me."

"I will peek in and look if that is ok?" Will asked.

Tessa nodded, "That is fine Will, I am going to the library," Tessa told him.

Will stepped back and allowed Tessa to pass by him. Her arm brushed his and she felt that spark again. It almost took her breath away. Tessa scurried down the hall and away from Will Herondale as fast as she could.

_The room is spinning out of control  
Act like you didn't notice  
Brushed my hand_

* * *

_Forbidden fruit  
Ring on my finger  
You're such a moral, moral man  
You throw it away, no question  
Will I pretend I'm innocent_

Sometimes Tessa needed to be alone. Away from Jem and his tragic fate. Away from Charlotte and Henry and there well-meaning sympathetic looks. Away from Cecily, Will's sister with her nasty sense of humor and acidic tongue. And especially away from Will Herondale. There was an empty bedroom not far from where she and Jem slept. When she needed to breathe she was sneak in there and stand by the window and look at side. Today it was raining and the sound soothed her.

Tessa knew she was being watched. She didn't need to look to see who the intruder was. "Will?" Tessa called.

Footsteps and then she could feel him standing behind her. "Tess…" the way he said her name made her ache on the inside.

Tessa squeezed her eyes closed and tried to keep the tears from coming. She could not cry over one man while married to another.

"Tessa," Will said. He seized her by the upper arm and turned her around. She was facing him now but she wouldn't look at his face…his beautiful face….his full lips…his lips…

"No," Tessa asserted.

"No?" Will echoed nuzzling her.

"I am….I…I am…" she faltered.

"You are marred." Will offered. "To my best friend…my parabatai…my other half…this isn't right." He sounded angry and sad.

Neither moved though. Will bent his head and they were in the same precarious position they were the previous night.

"I bought Jem's medicine." Will told her. "I have already taken it to his room."

"Was he…?" Tessa tried to ask but stopped.

"Asleep," Will told her. "He was asleep."

Tessa felt as if her knees were going to buckle. Will must have sensed the weakness and led her to the bed. He sat her down and kneeled in front of her. His large hands caressing her face.

_What would happen if we kissed  
Would your tongue slip past my lips  
Would you run away, would you stay  
Or would I melt into you  
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust  
Spontaneously combust_

"Will?" she pleaded, this time she wasn't sure if she was asking him to stop or not to stop.

Will crushed his lips to hers almost painfully. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Tessa allowed the kiss to deepen; she opened her mouth and let him slip his tongue inside. Will grabbed her small waist with both hands. His grip was so tight she worried there would be a bruise.

It was never like this with Jem. Their kissing and copulation was wonderful. Tessa never felt unsatisfied but it was sweeter and gentler. There was need and passion but it wasn't this fierce. Jem took his time and savored her and the moment. Will was like an animal.

Tessa wanted them both. How could they be? Well brought up girls didn't lust after men who weren't their husbands. Tessa wanted to stop this. She wanted to pull away.

_I struggle with myself again  
Quickly the walls are crumbling  
Don't know if I can turn away_

Tessa pulled away, "Will," she whispered. She felt as if she were on the verge of tears. "Will?"

"hmm?" Will was dropping kisses along her cheek, jaw bone, neck….

"Will?" Tessa snapped.

He stopped and then up at her. Desire was written all over his lovely face. He captured her lips again and she didn't stop him.

Then she felt it. She shuddered and pulled away from Will's kiss. They weren't alone. Tessa turned and was horrified to see her husband was standing in the doorway watching them. Pain was reflected in Jem's silver hued eyes. But his face was clouded with anger.

Tessa squeaked and stood, "Jem?" she said starting towards him.

Jem backed away putting his hands up. He wanted her to stop so she did. Tessa wanted to see Will's reaction to this but she couldn't allow herself to look at him.

"I can't believe I didn't see this," Jem whispered shaking his head. "I am so dense."

"No James," Will said.

Tessa was vaguely aware that Will was on his feet moving in their direction.

"Don't," Jem barked. Tessa flinched. Jem never yelled. Tessa felt like she her heart was breaking apart as Jem turned on his heel and stalked away.

Tessa thought she was drowning in despair. "Jem!" she called and she rushed to the door. She turned and looked at Will who was sitting on the bed. He was slumped over and his head was in his hands.

"What have we done?" she asked.

Will didn't respond.

* * *

**AN: I had a vision and it was so great. But this didn't turn out as well had I had hoped. It feels a little out of character... Still I hope some of you like it a little. Read and review please.**


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